Start of School…

August 14th, 2008 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

So I promised a little bit more blogging, and here you go! I am at home now - I got home from Florida 2 days ago. I had a lot of crazy adventures throughout the end of summer, many of which I can’t even remember. We went to Orlando which was a blast; the parks are amazing, and I didn’t realize just how much there is for adults to do. The bars in downtown Orlando are actually phenomenal and a heck of a lot of fun! I also went to various bars and restaurants throughout the end of my internship, a big party, helped one of the full time TLPs move, won a pie eating contest at work, cooked chicken breasts stuffed with arugola, spinach, and bleu cheese then wrapped with bacon for Kim (and a whole bunch of side dishes too!), sent my parents an Edible Arrangement, went to the beach lots, ran around the beach in a lightning storm with Rish (it was like a whole different world), went to a really chill hookah lounge, went to a Thursday night baseball game ($1 drafts, better than the normal baseball game, everybody was dressed up and young - it was very strange), and Rish’s parents served us some authentic Indian cuisine. It was really good; definitely different from my normal tastes and not what I would normally go for when starving but definitely very good! Anyway… …here are some pictures from the rest of summer…

Summer Update

July 1st, 2008 | 1 Comments | Uncategorized

So here I am sitting in a bar at the Philadelphia Airport a few months after promising to blog regularly yet not doing it.  I meant to - I really did, but it’s starting to become more of a nuisance than anything.  It’s nice to reflect back on; but frankly, it’s a pain in the butt to do each time some cool things happen.  So if I’m a little slow, that’s honestly why.

So most of this blog will be about my time in Florida, but first let me tell you what I’m doing in the Philadelphia airport.  I came up here to visit my grandfather because he’s fallen really ill.  For awhile it seemed like his kidneys were failing and he was having heart problems, so I really wasn’t sure how long he had to live.  Things seemed pretty bleek for awhile - he needed to be rushed to the hospital and the doctors told us there wasn’t very long for him, but he seems to be doing much better now.  It turns out his kidney AREN’T failing, there’s just fluid backup which makes it seem that way and he’s been transferred to a nursing home/assisted living type center.  He seems to be doing pretty well there, but he isn’t happy.  He’s getting his strength back but he isn’t eating, and he still has to be hooked up to some equipment.

It’s sad really because my family I thought was dealing with it really well and getting closer.  I started talking to my cousin who I rarely talk to and everything… …but when I got there, it seems like all the sisters (my mom and my aunts) are back to their usual catiness - fighting about who said what about who and who is doing their fair share and all that.  …rather than just being happy and celebrating that he is doing okay, they’re arguing.  I think all of their intents are good, but it just isn’t the same.

One of the old men got confused thinking I worked there and yelled “PUT ME TO BED!” at me.  Another old woman screamed “BASTARDS!  LET’S KILL THEM ALL!” - I think about the staff.  I don’t think it is the kind of place where I want my grandpa, but he is definitely doing better there.  It’s just not a place to die… …when I pass, I better be somewhere, not cramped up in a little room.

So now I’m on my way back to Florida which is where I guess our story begins.  The ride down was extremely easy.  I got to spend some time with my mom which was nice, but I would have also liked the solitude.  We ended up with some hotel confusion and stayed at a different hotel than we had originally planned.  When I first moved into my apartment, The Palms, honestly, I felt it was a little ghetto.  If you search for reviews of the complex, there have been people shot and doors busted in and cockroaches everywhere so my mom was a little freaked out; but I’m not really sure where those reviews came from because I haven’t seen any of it.  It’s a lower income neighborhood and I’m definitely the minority as a white person, but I ended up really liking the place.  The neighbors are friendly without being too overinviting, but they’ll say hello when they pass and stuff.  Everyone pretty much leaves everyone alone.  Living with Jon (intern from last year who came back with me) has been good.  He is disorganized, but he is a really nice and intelligent guy.  Sometimes I feel too dumb for him, but we also have a lot of intelligent conversations and he teaches me a lot without being a total nerd and we still have fun.

The other interns are great too.  I wasn’t sure what to really expect out of Rish, but he’s a cool guy.  Sometimes he gets a little pushy, but he’s fun and has a lot of cool interests.  Sydney is what I expected, she’s a lot of fun and a nice person and good to spend the summer with; and Kim is well… …we can talk about Kim a little bit later on haha.

I really like Florida in general.  The road system is kind of annoying, but I like almost every other thing about it.  The people, the culture, the shops, the social scene, everything.  I like the scenery and environment too.  I like the way apartments are arranged.  Every little thing about Florida is great.  I want to start spending more time at the beach, at the pool, and in the gym.  It’s been real busy lately so I haven’t been able to, but I’m going to start making sure I work out everyday and I might even start running on the beach at sunrise.  I work with mostly west coast or central time project teams, so I work a 10-6 shift and can definitely work out beforehand.

Speaking of work, work is still a relatively good experience.  I really like the culture that Citi offers and the way that they work with their employees - letting people work remotely from home so they can adjust when they are traveling or have family illness and everything.  They also take care of their employees and create a comfortable, protected, fun, work environment.  Everyone is laid back but also hard working - it’s a real nice place to work.  I am not as big a fan of my project this year as last year.  Even though we saw struggles in the project last year, the one I am working on this year is a pure mess.  I don’t think anything works well.  I can’t go into details but it is a project on the Collections side (the people who call and demand that you pay your credit card when you miss a payment).  It’s also less leadership and more reporting than it was last year.  I prefer to be making decisions, leading groups, making plans for a project.  I’m still working with a team that does most of those things, but it’s moreso like I am giving them status reports and making recommendations than being the driver myself.  You can’t pick and choose all of your projects, so it’s still a good experience.  There are definitely some times that I walk away feeling really good about what we accomplished that day, but there are a lot of times that I walk away like “we just spent all day arguing without making any progress” too.  I guess that’s why it’s a good learning experience, haha.

I’ve been trying to step out of my comfort zone a little bit.  I’ve tried some new foods like oyster, alligator, and some peppers.  I don’t necessarily like them a whole lot, but I’m trying them at least and putting them in the list of foods that I can kind of eat, rather than the list of foods that I never eat.  It’s inspiring me to want to switch classes to take new things I am not familiar with too!  Recently, I went jet skiing with some of the other interns.  If you are familiar with my history of crashing golf carts through electric fences and flipping ATVs on my head, you might know that I am a little hesitant about these kinds of things since I often get hurt, but it was a great opportunity and a heck of a lot of fun and I’m real happy I did it.

I also went to see three excellent movies: Wall-E, Get Smart, and Zohan.  Zohan is incredibly stupid but hilarious.  Get Smart is good, it’s better than mediocre but not quite great; and Wall-E (which I saw at midnight and spent weeks anticipating) was a little bit different from what most movies I see are but in a good way.

Big things that I’ve done… …well we went to St. Augustine one day.  We went to the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum (which I’ve never done before) and to a restaurant called the Conch House where they have reggae bands play all day for an event called Reggae Sunday.

We’ve also gone to the Lemon Bar and a lot of other bars around town.

I went to a sports bar to watch Euro 2008, and I’ve been to quite a few bars that I don’t really like, haha.  I say that because the girls I intern with and full timers really like yuppy bars.  LITERALLY yuppy bars.  Most people don’t know where the term “yuppy” comes from but it means “Young Upcoming Professional” like young college graduates entering the workforce and networking and trying to make connections.  That translates to… …douchebag bars where they won’t let you in if you aren’t wearing designer t-shirts or collared polo shirts/dress shirts and closed shoes.  It’s basically pure segregation.  Anytime someone is denied service because of something physical about htem or assumed about them, it upsets me; so I don’t really like the yuppy bars.  They’re places like the Twisted Martini and Mark’s and Ritz and other places like that.  It isn’t terrible, but it’s just a little upsetting.  Not much of a difference between saying “you can’t drink from this water fountain because you’re black” and “you can’t enter this bar because you’re poor.”

The other big thing I did this summer is head to Bonnaroo music festival again.  I’ve gone before, and it was a little bit different but still a ton of fun this year.  I saw Pearl Jam from the front row (greatest live band) and also saw great performances from other groups.  Stephen Marley was freaking awesome along with Les Claypool.  The Disco Biscuits were also great - I had never listened to them much before but was very impressed. They play every New Years Eve in Philly so I might have to check them out sometime.  Phil Lesh was also great especially since I got to meet up with Isaac (my one reader) and Audra from home and chill with them for most of the night.  I messed up from being exhausted and slept through Metallica but did get to see Two Gallants.  If you look back at my blog from a year ago, I saw Two Gallants open up for Les Claypool in Orlando last summer and they’re freaking great.

There were a few problems I had with the festival, and I don’t know if I’ll go back.  I might, but it’s getting really mainstream.  Fewer jam bands, fewer hippies, more bros (frat boys).  They come for Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews and stuff.  They mostly come for the drugs.  Bonnaroo didn’t used to be about drugs, they were a big part, but it wasn’t the whole thing.  Now people just stay in the camping area for the whole festival and do drugs, they don’t even see the music.  The other problems were that we had some trouble getting a rental car and almost ran out of gas!

I’m organizing a fantasy football league for some of the kids at Penn State.  It’s through ESPN.com so let me know if you want to join.  I have about 8 so far and need like two more.  It should be a lot of fun because I’ve never played with kids I know before.  It should lead to a heck of a lot of trashtalking haha.

OH!  One last thing.  The girls always babysit this dog Lily (who I affectionately call McLuvin) for a girl from work.  I like to play with her, and she makes me really want a dog.  The girls are so mean to her sometimes when she pees or something.  I treat her good always and give her positive reinforcement rather than bad.  I’d setup newspaper everywhere when she’s learning to pee and then gradually take it away so that she learns to prefer peeing on newspaper rather than yelling at her when she pees in the wrong place but whatever.

I always seem to end my blogs with a brief touch on girls.  Maybe its because my ex-girlfriend destroyed my soul and then sold what was left of me to Satan or maybe its because women really drive my life; but for whatever reason, I seem to have some feelings for one of the girls here and she seems to have some back.  Women are always touchy for me because I’m never sure if they’re going to hurt me and honestly, they’re not worth getting hurt over, but I think I really like this one sometimes.  It’s nothing intense, nothing that will lead to any drama or problems, but I just figure it’ll go sour because they always do.  Put it this way… …she’s really cool and really cute and I want to be with her, but I’m still (and will probably always be) in a bit of a polygamist state where its better to be a bit of an asshole and play like 5 girls at a time and not let myself care for any of them past a certain extent.  That way, I’m kinda happy, but don’t really get sucked into the shitty side of things.  On the other side of things, I really missed her this weekend and I am really, really, bummed about going home after the summer and leaving her.  I have good time with her whether its something exciting or even just chilling out.

I’m Back Again!

May 12th, 2008 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

It’s been a half-year since I last wrote in here, and a lot has happened. I turned 21, finished up my junior year of college, made new friends, worked with companies, and had all kinds of new experiences. I can’t write about each and every thing that happened, so I will summarize the past few months (in short) and hopefully start blogging monthly or so again to keep you (my three or four readers) up-to-date with what’s going on in my life.

I guess the first thing to discuss is classes. IST 331, the HCI class, wasn’t bad but it got boring towards the end. The whole class was basically about designing the most user-friendly devices, websites, etc. Color preference, icon design, basically how to design an IT system that is most efficient and helpful to the user. It dealt a lot with experimentation/trials of existing IT systems then recommending ways to improve them based on how the user utilitizes the system in its current state. I got an A, and I originally thought I would like HCI; but it actually ended up seeming like it was the culture of all those web 2.0, iPhone, istbuilding.com, brats. I am the type of person who is comfortable with a learnable system… …I’m okay with Microsoft products, I still keep lists with pen and paper, I’m just not the type of person generally found in the field. So I don’t think I like it so much anymore.

IST 420 was a blast. We worked on this project for Boeing Airlines. I can’t really disclose the details of what we did, but the overall idea is that we designed a bunch of documents to replace current documents they presently use, but we incorporated new technologies that will benefit them. It was a lot of fun, and I took weekly phonecalls and led a team. My friends Alex and Anthony were on my team, so it made things even easier. I ended up being one of the overall leaders of the whole project from the Penn State side, negotiating deadlines and leading calls and everything with Boeing when no one else seemed to step up to do it. I think we did pretty well, and Dr. Ocker is a blast. She’s a lot of fun and went out to a bar with us once (she didn’t drink, but see my picture below), and I had fun working with her. I’m kind of bummed I don’t get to work with her anymore. I wrote her a nomination for the George McMurtry Excellence in Teaching and Learning Award - and guess what! She won! I’m not sure if anyone else wrote her a nomination or just me, but I like to think that I helped her win it because she deserved it. It helps that most students at Penn State are kind of idiots and can’t write very well. I can’t write nearly as well as I used to, but I’m sure I can still write better than the majority of Penn State students. At the end of the course, Boeing flew in to watch us give presentations, and I just so happened to be at the bar they came to afterwards… …details aside, let’s just say I developed a new understanding and relationship with the Boeing folks, and it was A LOT of fun.

CMPSC 473 might have been one of my favorite classes at Penn State. It was an Operating Systems class but really seemed to delve into more of “how a computer works” because it touched upon hardware too and the relationship/needs of both hardware and software. I learned more in the class than I had in almost any other and found the material very interesting. Granted, the class was extremely difficult, most exam averages were below 70% and the projects took 10-30 hours to complete, but I did learn a lot. I really have a new found interest in different priority algorithms especially. Either way, I might consider taking the instructor’s computer security class as my CMPSC elective. I’m not sure yet because it was a very difficult class, and I’m not sure if I want to put myself through his course again; but at the same time, I learned a ton so might consider taking it.

ENGL 202C was relatively easy. It was just 5 projects, each one fairly unique. I made a job application package, a technical manual of how to make wine in your dorm room, a recommendations report, a progress update, and an analytical presentation. It was basically a technical writing class; and since I can already write fairly well, I scored no less than 98% on each of my projects. It was a fun class, very informal, very fun-oriented; but I definitely got tired of it by the end. I’m happy it’s over with.

STAT 318 was what is to be expected - boring and meh. I didn’t really enjoy the course even though the instructor was fairly cool, and I kind of skipped the class pretty often. I still got really good grades, but I didn’t really understand the material in depth, more like I just learned how to go through the motions. I ended up getting an A-, which was my only non-A for the semester. I wanted a 4.0 this semester, so I was pretty disappointed. It only changed my overall GPA by .01 getting an A- instead of an A, but it’s the idea that counts and I am bummed. The worst part is I was less tha 1% away from getting the A.

More information about my classes and some examples of my work can be found at my website.

The other big proponent of school was the IST Honor Society, which I am now president of. We had a lot of fun events over the semester including ice skating, some corporate speakers, things like that. We transitioned officers, and I was elected president and have some pretty strong plans for the future. We are going to be setting up a tutoring program for the College of IST next year, which didn’t exactly get off to the smoothest start so I stepped in and setup some meetings with everyone involved and now we’re back on track. We’re also going to setup more regulations surrounding things like attendance to make sure people actually participate in the club and don’t just put it on their resume. I had a meeting with all the new officers where I kind of shared my vision for next year. I am hoping they all contribute a good amount of effort so that the Honor Society doesn’t consume our life. My biggest apprehension towards becoming president is that I don’t want a club to govern my life, it’s supposed to just be something extra I do. I don’t have much interest in becoming involved in College politics or really spending a whole ton of time dedicated to the organization. Sure, I definitely want to contribute… …probably like 3-4 hours a week or more, but I want to make sure I get my schoolwork done and get to spend time with my friends as well. It should be a good year though because I have a great group of officers, and I think they’re mostly laid back and will hopefully step in to help out if I ever get overwhelmed with other things.

Even though I say I don’t want to get too involve in College politics, I actually have become fairly involved. I’m not in the College “inner circle” as I like to call it, but I’m probably close to the rim. I have to go to student government meetings, attend dean feedback sessions, and some other things like that. I guess it’s the responsible side of me. It’s something that I enjoy and like to do especially because I like to build relationships with the people throughout the College, but I am always afraid that it will overstress me or give me too much to do. I think it will be better this coming year because everything will be a little bit more set in stone.

On the fun side of things, I’m 21. I’ve been to about 10-15 bars in State College, and being 21 is pretty nice. One cool thing that I am doing is completing an “Around the World” type thing at this bar called Zeno’s. Basically, I have to drink 80 imports, and then I get my name up on a brass plaque on the wall. They give us a fake little passport and everything where they mark off all the beers I’ve drank. I think I’m somewhere around 10 already. Another cool little bar is called Otto’s. I had a couple of Otto’s beers at other bars throughout State College and thought they were really good. Someone then told me that they were actually a local microbrewery! I haven’t had a chance to visit it yet, but I am hoping to next year. My roommate Matt said he might even try to get a job there, so he can learn to make beer. Annnndd… …another great beer is from a brewery in Syracuse called Middle Ages. All of their beers are really dark stouts and have cheesy Middle Aged themed names. Like their Indian Pale Ale is called ImPaled Ale. They also have drinks like DragonSlayer and Grail Ale.

One thing that I’m really hoping for next year is scholarships. Since I am contributing to and attending a lot of the College of IST’s events, I am hoping they will give me a scholarship. It’s very difficult to have gotten full scholarship offers, a $29,000 a year scholarship to the school I would have gone to if I wasn’t in a relationship when I came to college and then to get absolutely nothing from Penn State. They haven’t really helped me out in any way towards paying for my education. Bleh. I also applied for scholarships through the Project Management Institute’s Educational Foundation. I think I am well-qualified having held several leadership positions and having worked with companies like Citigroup and Boeing. I also got great letters of recommendation from my former internship manager, my former job manager, and one of my professors. I am really hoping those things help me to get a scholarship.

So now that school is ended, I’m here at home. My parents bought me a PlayStation 3 for my Birthday. I made them wait until I finished up the schoolyear because I didn’t want it to distract me from schoolwork; but now that I finished, they bought it for me. I feel kind of bad accepting it because I am not sure if they have the money and also because I know there are millions of people in the world who don’t even have enough to eat let alone video game consoles, but I guess I decided to cut myself a break and get it anyway. I’ll still always feel bad and try to give away some money to make up for it and to help other people in everyway I can, but I did still take it and have been playing it pretty regularly since.

Other than that, my goal while I’m at home is to get back in shape. I really let myself go this last semester with what I ate and drank, my lack of exercise, and just all around unhealthy habits. I was in great shape last summer, and I am hoping to get back to it. I’ve been eating much less, much healthier, not drinking beer, not drinking soda, and running/lifting every single day. I am already seeing results and hope to continue being healthy into the summer! I want to get ripped and in shape like I was last summer.

And then this Thursday, I leave for Jacksonville to work for Citigroup as a Technology Leadership intern again. I am very excited since I loved it so much last year. I am excited to see my friends from Jacksonville (mostly other workers), to meet new friends (new interns), to make some money, and just to be in Florida. I’m going to be living with Jon who worked with me last year and is an all-around sweet guy. We should have lots of fun. Two girls from Penn State, Sydney and Kim, will also be down there and I’m looking forward to hanging out and having some good times with them. The only one I don’t know is an intern from Michigan named Risadh; but from our emails, he seems like a pretty cool guy. Once I get down there, I will take pictures of where I am living and post them up here for you to see! I am subleasing an apartment and buying some furniture, but I may actually luck out and have a bunch of free furniture like a couch and stuff. The way that works is the girl we are subleasing from is trying to sell some furniture, and I told her I might be able to sell it to some of the full time TLP workers who start right when I finish up. So if I can, she’ll probably leave the furniture there for me to use all summer. Woohoo. I am also hoping to buy a nice big LCD TV and then sell it to Derek (who I lived with last year and will be starting full time in August) when I move out so that it’s like I just rented it for a few months. We’ll see though… …I’ll keep you posted.

As far as work goes, I see myself as kind of a TLP intern leader this time around. I have the most experience with the program, and I probably had the best experience out of everyone last year. I want to help everybody out and make sure they’re comfortable. I am going to be working on infrastructure projects in Collections - basically, I am going to be working for one of the managers I met last year whose team split off from my old team. So I am very comfortable with the new direction I am headed.

And I guess I’ll end things with the ever so popular romance topic… …after being pretty miserable about a girl last semester, I’m back to my usual self. I have met a few girls and had fun with them, but I find it extremely difficult to find someone who I am interested in/care enough about/care enough period to really try. After my relationship with my high school girlfriend went bad and I went through a lot of really harsh times that pretty much destroyed/killed me into being a brand new person from who I was, I just don’t think I’ll ever have the drive or desire to really care about someone again. I mean, I did last semester, but that was the first time in years and look how it ended up. Basically, the whole love/romance thing really just isn’t worth it. I’m here to do whatever for a little while and then I die… …if I die alone, so be it. I figure I will and am fine with that, anymore, after what happened with my ex. Don’t get me wrong, I still meet a lot of great girls, I just never really feel much more for them than superficial attraction. I am pretty confident the part of me that cared about people that way died with my old relationship - it hurt too much and killed them for good. Oh well… …I do wish I had somebody but just don’t see it happening. Maybe I’ll meet someone, maybe I won’t, but for now it’s the same old.

Expect lots of updates and pictures over the summer!! For now, adios, and I’m happy to be writing again!

Brand New Year, Monkey

January 1st, 2008 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

So it’s the end of 2007, and I haven’t blogged in two months. Despite your numerous requests for one of my life-changing blogs, I’ve been far too busy to sit down and write one until now. I know, I know, I need to try to blog more often from here on out, and I really hope to; but for now, I have a good excuse for why it took me so long: school was kicking my ass. As I said in my last entry, this semester was my hardest semester of school so far. Some of it was because the curriculum was challenging, some of it was because it was a lot of work, some of it was for personal reasons; but overall, it was just downright stressful. I had a couple of panic attacks and was constantly writing and re-writing lists of things that needed to be done. Towards the end of the semester I developed a short-temper towards anyone (particularly my roommate Matt or my family) who tried to find more work for me to do because I was on the border of losing my mind. I was trying to balance basic everyday activities like eating and sleeping with passing my classes.

For finals week, I spent about 50 hours at the HUB studying for my two Computer Science exams because they were very tough - and frankly, my grade in CSE 465 came down to just a couple of points. I pretty much started living off of Panda Express’s orange chicken that week since I barely left the HUB. When I wasn’t at the HUB, I got Matt and Evan addicted to one of my favorite TV shows - Weeds - which was my only real break from schoolwork. In the end, all of my hard work paid off as I escaped with 4 A’s, a B+, and a C in that awful CSE 465 course. There’s still one course next semester that I need to pass the first time I take it, but it shouldn’t be as much of a problem.

NOW IT’S WINTER BREAK, AND I AM MUCH MORE RELAXED.

The stress did leave some lasting detriments to my health. As I spent most of my spare time studying, I fell pretty out of shape. I struggle to run just 2 miles now, and I’m losing all the muscle I gained over the summer. I’m trying to work out, but it’s hard to find time when I sleep until 2pm (not kidding!) because I am so exhausted from the semester. I’m slowly regaining my mind back and should be good to go for another round of school in a couple weeks.

I did manage to escape school for a couple of days to go hunting with my dad and a couple of our friends. I was able to shoot a very large doe (100-125 lbs.) on my very last night out with my .243 rifle. It’s a really small caliber rifle and was my first gun, but we’ve actually had a lot of luck hunting with it. Anyway, it was kind of a weird shot. I was at the top of this ridge that sat on the side of a fielded hill. I was planning to cross the field to go sit along a ridgeline; but as soon as I got to the top of the field, I saw four doe about 100-150 yards away right where I had been planning to sit. One of them saw me, its tail went up, and it started to run towards the others. I didn’t really have much time, so I threw my rifle up, zoomed the scope in, found the largest one, and shot. I ended up hitting it in the neck, which isn’t the best shot, but it went down. I started to walk towards it when I noticed another hunter hiding behind a haystack on the other side of the hill. I guess he had been watching the deer for quite some time, but I wasn’t able to see him from where I was when I shot. I felt really bad and went to apologize - thankfully, he said that he didn’t shoot doe and was waiting for a buck, but he still seemed a little ticked off. My friend Travis and I drug the freaking fatass doe a few hundred yards, which was entirely exhausting before I got my dad to help me gut it. The inside of living things is not beautiful - it kinda’ reminds you just how organic and simple things really are. Like no matter how beautiful a person or creature appears on the outside, it’s just a mess of bones, fat, blood, guts, and organs on the inside. So yeah - I don’t particularly care for killing things, so I try not to shoot deer every chance I get; but I was happy to get this one since my family was pretty much out of venison. Now we have some, and I won’t shoot a deer for at least another year.

I accepted another internship at Citi which I am looking forward to. Just being 21 and having my own car (keep reading…) will make a big difference in my experience this summer. Hopefully I’ll be able to go on a few more trips (Miami, the Keys), take surfing lessons, and really just do a couple of things I wasn’t able to do last year (go out with co-workers, bars, etc.). I’ll probably be living with Jon, an intern who I got along with really well last summer, and hopefully my sister or another intern. I think it’d be sweet if we could all get a house together or something. I am excited to return to Jacksonville but kind of nervous. I feel like the older I get, the more insecure I get about my job future. I’m hoping its another great experience and it makes me feel better, again; but I’m afraid of what will happen if it doesn’t. I don’t really want to work in the corporate world so much, but I want to be able to make a living and be happy. Ugh… …work and life and such is stressful.

So like I said above, I finally got a car. I feel really bad because for years I fought my parents about helping me to get one because I really hate when they spend money on me. They don’t owe me anything and there are things they need for themselves and there are so many people way less fortunate than me that I feel really awful accepting any kind of financial help from them. They’re great and try to help me so much, but I feel really bad accepting it. Either way - we went out over Thanksgiving Break and looked at a number of used cars as well as a few new ones. We got, what I think is a really great deal, in a brand new blue 2007 Ford Focus. We were able to talk the asking price down quite a lot in some long negotiations because they were trying to get rid of the 2007 models to make way for the 2008s. So I was able to get a brand new car for not much more than a used car, with a full warranty, and all of that. I really love driving it too. The gas mileage is amazing. I still haven’t had to refuel, when I would have had to 3 or 4 times already in my old car for a much bigger gas tank! Here are some pictures:

I got a lot of accessories for my car for Christmas - shovels, snow brushes, jumper cables, etc. but I also got a Garmin c530 StreetPilot. I learned this summer how helpful navigation systems can be, and I love using this too. I also got a little bit of clothing, some awesome Jamaican Adidas, a 22-inch widescreen computer monitor, and tickets to see Neil Young. Neil Young was great in concert - I wish he had played a little more of his older stuff, but it was still a really good show. He played 2 sets - one acoustic, one electric - and he did great with both. The acoustic set was really personal, and you could tell the songs were emotional for him. It was very cool - at one point he accidentally knocked over one of his guitars in the middle of Cowgirl in the Sand and it was right before he broke out into a jam - so he started knocking guitars over periodically as part of the jam to make a joke out of it. As for the electric stuff, I was surprised by how well he can still shred. It was very energetic and very cool. I’m really happy I got to see him live in concert.

This was by far the most my parents had ever spent on me for Christmas. I feel really bad, again, with everything they got me, but I’m real appreciative. I almost feel like I’m upgrading all the major appliances in my life. In return, my sister and I went out and bought my parents a 42-inch TV, by far the most expensive gift we had ever gotten them. They seemed really surprised and kind of upset by it, but I think they realized that we just wanted to show them how much we appreciate everything they do for us - and just plain that we wanted to do something nice for them. On top of that, the static-filled TV of theirs from 1982 needed to go!

Karen Ann with her tiny, tiny, tree.

My next big concert is March 14, when Hauser, myself, and someone else who wants to go, will be going to see Iron Maiden in New Jersey. They’re only playing two US stops in the tour, and we’re lucky enough to live near New Jersey (NEVER thought I’d say that, haha).

Matt and my homemade wine should be ready for drinking once I get back to school in two weeks. I’ll post some pictures once I get back, so you can all marvel at our genius.

So far this break I’ve been hanging out with a lot of people that I never hung out with before. I’ve been hanging out with my regular friends too, but I’ve been spending more time with random people that I hadn’t seen for years. I kind of like it - it’s nice just to find out how people have been and what exactly they’ve been upto. Some people have done some really cool things, other people have some really sad stories. I spent New Years with a different group of people and have really just been all over the place. It’s helping me understand/discover more about the world.

As I get back into working out, I’ve started using the punching bag quite a bit. it’s an excellent upper body workout - I literally wakeup feeling stronger. The downside is that the gloves I have only cover my upper knuckles and not every punch i land on a moving bag is perfect, so I’ve learned that I need to tape my knuckles haha. This is what happens when you don’t tape those knuckles:

Football ended up being a somewhat mediocre season. Penn State won the Alamo Bowl, but it was still a letdown season considering some of the preseason hype. The Eagles didn’t make the playoffs. My fantasy teams went 9-6 and 7-8. And I convinced my dad to place some money on the college bowl games, most of which it seems we’re losing. I guess my analysis/picks weren’t as good as I had hoped - just another thing to be unsure/insecure about with regards to life, haha.

In my last entry, I wrote a little bit about how I had opened up towards a girl for the first time in a couple of years and wasn’t sure if it was a really good thing or a bad thing. Turns out that being pessimistic is, once again, the right choice. It turned out to be a really bad thing that ended up upsetting me pretty bad and leading towards some pretty drastic choices for awhile. I’m almost completely over it now, but it had me down for quite awhile - the kind of thing that I’d only really talk about to people when I drank. Basically, I opened up to somebody by becoming soft and talking about personal things and learning to trust somebody which was really hard for me; in order to get over this whole situation, I had to do the opposite which was even harder. I taught myself not to care, not to trust anybody like that, and really just not to expect much out of life for myself. I have to keep the mentality that I’ll always be alone, that people are innately selfish and cruel, and just sort of be an asshole towards the whole thing. Never towards the other people but on the inside, I guess. Either way - I quit completely on the subject of romance. The few times that I’ve opened myself up, I just end up getting real hurt/upset. I can’t play the whole “game” real well - I’m not good at expressing myself or impressing somebody - so I guess I’ll just go with the concept that planet earth is just a brief passage, and I shouldn’t really expect much from my human life because it will end shortly and I can just sit idly by while other people enjoy themselves, because trying would just end up sucking in the end anyway.

So I’m going to make a couple of New Years resolutions. I’ve never officially made New Year’s resolutions, but they’re things I want to improve anyway so I might as well call them that since it’s Dec. 31st:

1 - Improve self-image. This can be done in any number of ways, just accomplishing some things that make me feel better about myself. Working out more and eating better until I am fit, learning to play guitar a lot more adequately so that I am confident playing in front of other people, even just learning more computer stuff. It could really be anything that makes me feel more confident and better about myself, I guess confidence is the key. I’ve felt like my life has kind of hit a brick wall and I haven’t been learning or experiencing any new things, I haven’t been growing at all, I’m kind of just at a standstill. So I really need to achieve some of the little things I’ve been working at but failing at for so long so i can feel a little better about myself.

3 - Give more back. I used to be really happy with how much I gave back to others. Over the years, that has dwindled quite a bit. I guess the thing is - more stuff that costs money and that I want accomplished in my own life so I can fit in - takes away from what I can give back to others. I’d like to get back to a point where I’m content with what I’ve given back instead of feeling selfish again.

4 - Better money planning. I don’t know if I need to get a job or what, but I’d like to be more successful with money. Plain and simple, it’s disappearing too fast.

5 - Stop caring what people think. I have a big problem with caring too much what people think of me, mostly because I’m trying to impress them and fit in. For a long time, I adopted a “I don’t care” attitude towards life; and gradually, I’ve gotten away from it. I think things were better when I still didn’t care. So I’m going to try to not care again. It’s kind of a weird balance because I want people to “like me for me,” not need me to be overly cool or change or awesome for them to like me - but at the same time, I don’t “like me for me” at all. I think I’m really boring and lame… …so I wouldn’t like me if I was somebody else so why should I expect somebody else to? Eh - the world just isn’t what I had hoped for. It’s never as good as in the storybooks.

6 - As much as I’d like to stop caring what people think, I do want to eliminate any annoying or irritating habits I have. Sometimes I feel like I do things that really bother people - being too shy or talking too much or having a lame sense of humor, or snapping at people. I’d like to eliminate any such behaviors I have that irritate people.

They’re not exactly lofty goals, but they’re all I have I guess. I’ll try to blog more often. Take care, and good luck in 2008!

Finally Updated

October 19th, 2007 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

Believe your eyes… …yes, this is a new blog entry. Courtesy of Josh’s brief hassling, I decided to update. It’s been my first one in months because I’ve been so busy. I was pretty consistent in updating over the summer, but things seems to have taken a hold of me at school and haven’t had the time. I guess that whole 9-5 thing doesn’t happen while you’re in college because any spare time I have gets sucked up by homework.

So let’s go through the updates. School, work, clubs, health, friends, women, life…

School has been the toughest semester yet. I don’t really enjoy any of my classes. Not only is the curriculum hard, but the professors seem to get progressively worse. They’re horribly organized. They always tell us something is due one day, post that its due another online, then take away points if it isn’t submitted on a third day. They constantly provide us with outdated files, ambiguous instructions, and make changes a day before a major assignment is due. I’ve spent more time this semester emailing professors “You added up my points wrong” than doing the actual work. It’s awful. I’m starting to get really sick of school and ready to call it quits.

IST 301 - Not a bad class and it offers us an interesting opportunity to work with a distributed team from the Netherlands. The problem is the cultural differences are pretty vast, and they don’t always communicate them to us. I think I would appreciate this course a lot more if I wasn’t overwhelmed in my other class. I’d have more time to get to know the Dutch kids. It would probably be a lot of fun. My team isn’t bad, except for one fat smelly kid who doesn’t shower and doesn’t contribute anything to the assignments. We’re much more efficient when he’s not around. The other kids aren’t the hardest or best workers, but they’re pretty chill and fun kids and they at least get their work done and it’s pretty good. I feel like a bully sometimes because I lead real heavily (and don’t always get the best grades), but I don’t think anything would get done if I didn’t.

IST 302 - Perhaps my most hated class which is ironically project management - the career that I would like to get into. I don’t hate it because of the material, I hate it because of the way its taught. It’s awful. It’s basically, “we’re going to give you 30 assignments each week. You must rush to get them done within your teams so you don’t have time to actually learn the material, you’re just trying to get everything done. We won’t tell you what the actual assignment actually is until the day before its due, and we’ll switch assignments on you after you’ve already completed them. Oh yeah, we’ll send you really mean emails accusing you of doing things wrong then barely apologize when we realize we were at fault. On top of that, we will be very difficult to contact.” The class is absolute ridiculous. The grader grades like an asshole, even though he’s normally a nice guy - but it seems like he has a vendetta against students. He wants to find a reason to fail us all. He takes points away FOR FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS. It’s not that I won’t get an A in the course, it’s that it’s making me hate my life more. Oh, and did I mention that on Tuesday we asked them about our midterm and they said “Oh, ask us about it next week. It will be then” then two fucking days later (NOT next week) they suddenly tell us “Oh you have to spend your weekends doing this pop 100-question midterm. Those of you who had plans or planned your work around traveling this weekend all week are now screwed because we’re giving you a pop midterm due Saturday night.” It’s ridiculous.

CSE 465 - One of the most challenging courses I’ve ever taken. Very complex math, a very Swiss teacher named “Furer.” He is a nice guy but has trouble communicating and expects a lot out of us. I’m doing awesome on the homework, but I did really really horrible on the first exam. I don’t feel too good thinking about the class right now.

CSE 331 - A very tricky class. The homework and quizzes and assignments aren’t hard at all. But the exam was suddenly BAM. I got a 61% on it. The average was SO LOW that my 61% was considered an A. Weird? Yeah. The first half of this class was assembly language which didn’t seem that bad; but now we’re starting to do VHDL, and I’m a little bit lost.

IST 390 - Professional Development. This class is a complete waste. I wish I had dropped it. I was taking it to learn how to do things more professionally, instead it’s just making me realize I don’t want to work for an uptight company. It’s taught by the same professor as 302 if that gives you anymore insight into why I hate this class.

WMNST003 - Women’s Studies. Surprisingly, this may be my favorite class. It’s very challenging because it’s a history of women in art, and I spend a lot of time writing how poems or artwork are about vaginas; but I’ve gotten good grades so far and kinda enjoy it. I have a really good group for groupwork, and I kinda enjoy the new material. I like artwork and poetry and creativity - and even though it’s a pain in the butt to do, it’s probably the class I enjoy the most. I’m surprised I’m doing so well. I guess I just understand women, haha.

*sighs*. I don’t want to go to school anymore. It’s been completely miserable so far. If it wasn’t just all the hard work, my grades are going down too. It seems like everyone’s is. But it still sucks

In terms of work, I got an offer to return to Citi for another summer. I have to decide shortly. If I go back, it will either be to Dallas, Baltimore, Chicago, or back to JAX. My boss from the summer, Todd, came up to campus and took me out to dinner with the other recruiters. I get along with them. Their trip helped me to remember how happy I was with Citi this summer. There’s a good chance I’ll go back, but you’ll find out in my next blog entry. I don’t feel like interviewing with any other companies, and I don’t think I’d find another company that offers me so much while still giving my a comfortable environment.

As far as clubs go, I was really overwhelmed at the beginning of this semester. I didn’t have time to get schoolwork done, and I was sleeping about 4 hrs a week. I had to end up quitting THON, and I’m really happy that I did. Since then, I’ve had so much more time. I’m still REALLY busy, so I have no idea how I would have done THON if I didn’t quit. On top of that, I never really enjoyed THON. It was a good cause, but I don’t really like the way its run or what it actually is. Ah well…

I am, however, very involved in the IST Honor Society (of which I am the Vice President). We recently quadrupled our size from about 25 to about 100. The officers meet a few times a week, and we’ve planned a few really cool events. I was able to mediate a corporate panel session which allowed me to meet a lot of corporate recruiters and display my presentation skills. It also was really good for the honor society because we invited potential members as well as current members. We got some really good answers - many of which were “lighten up about worrying about your future!” and several of our members actually came out of the event with an interview or two. People were very happy about it, including me. I was telling my friend on the phone how awesome I did for a good portion of the night. In addition to the networking panel and inductions, we’ve run some general meetings and a faculty research speakers event. I am really happy with where the club is headed and see it becoming a pretty strong force in IST.

Working out has been meh. Some weeks, I don’t have time to work out at all. Other weeks, I work out a lot. This past week was very good. I worked out 5/7 days. I am definitely not lifting as much as I did this summer, and I feel like a big pussy cosa that; but I do manage here or there. I don’t run that much, but sometimes I have really good runs. I ran a 6 minute mile the other day. I was exhausted, but it was good.

Penn State football has been kind of a disappointment. I don’t know why the coaches won’t make the changes everyone else sees they need to in terms of who they play (Evan Royster) and their playcalls. It’s starting to look up, but I feel like there’s never good leadership.

As far as friends, I’ve been hanging out with a lot of different people. I regularly bounce around 2 or 3 groups, and then I have some outliers who I have to make a special effort to go see. I want to start hanging out with the Alex’s and Tommy and them s’more because I FINALLY made the long walk to go see them for a cookout, and it was so much fun. We were lighting huge fires and jumping over them, and singing real obnoxious songs (that were actually pretty good) and it was just a good time. They’re probably the craziest group I hang out with at school. I can’t really explain it on here, you’d have to hang out with them.

And I guess a big thing is women. I finally started to open up a little bit. I don’t want to talk about Kenda (my ex) on here too much because I don’t want to say anything bad about anyone but myself, but I have been pretty crushed for the past two years. It still seems like we were together just days ago. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. But yeah… …for the past 2 years, I didn’t really feel anything. I didn’t want anything to do with girls, and I was really cold-hearted. I had no reason for going through life or anything I wanted. I just woke up and tried to stay out of trouble.  There was really nothing that even gave me a glimpse of “happy.”  I finally started to open up a little bit towards a girl who is really great; and even though things aren’t happening the way I want them to, I still think it’s a good thing mostly. It gets me pretty depressed sometimes, and it’s gotten me into some trouble (I punched a brick wall and messed up my hand pretty bad), but it’s gotten a lot of healthy thoughts and feelings into me that I hadn’t felt for years and didn’t really expect to ever feel again. It’s the first time in awhile that I care about how someone feels about me. First time in awhile that I cared enough to go out and try to get something. And it’s the first time in awhile that I’ve really smiled at all. But like I said, things aren’t going like I’d like them to, so I’m afraid that this will only hurt me in the long run. The reason I got so hard in the first place is because of how badly I got hurt (and in turn, some of the things I did really hurt some people I care about)… …now that I’m opening up, I’m opening myself up to being hurt again. And I have been a couple times already. I’m kind of scared I’ll get really hurt again. It won’t be her fault, it will be mine, but I really won’t be able to handle another big hurt. I promised myself I’d never let it happen again. I dunno. This girl thing is filled with really good or really bad. I kind of like how things are, I kind of don’t. If things went one direction or the other it could end up REALLY GOOD or REALLY BAD. I guess you could say it’s a complicated situation for me and something that is difficult to deal with. lol. I’ve taken to carrying about a tiny rock in my pocket all the time to remind me to be a “rock” aka not to feel anything.  I guess I got the idea from Simon and Garfunkel’s “I am a rock” (”and a rock feels no pain.”) but it’s something that reminds me not to get too emotional in front of her or anybody else.  I gotta remember to bottle my feelings up.

So I don’t really feel like writing anymore. I’m at home for the weekend trying to get some thinking done. I’m going to see Neil Young in December. Life is about a 3/10 right now. That’s a step up. It used to be a 1/10. 3/10 is still tough to deal with though I hope some things change.

Tomorrow is Penn State football versus Indiana.  I’m home and will probably go out with my family some.  Should be a good time.

Summer Has Wound Down…

August 11th, 2007 | 1 Comments | Uncategorized

This little girl’s shirt here says “My mom is ATM!!” … …what the fuck. Only thing ATM means is…At the moment, automatic teller machine, or ass-to-mouth. See UrbanDictionary.

I know I just blogged last week, but I’m going to write another one because it was an action-filled end; and I probably won’t write another for awhile. And on top of that, it’s time for a celebration because Klitz finally updated his blog after 4 months of delay. I’ve been bugging him because I have no idea what’s going on in his life. For the three of you who take the time to read this, I WON’T leave you in that situation.

On top of that, I’m sitting in an airport terminal for the next 3 hours!

Past 2 weeks have been a lot of fun. Last weekend we went out to dinner, bowling, to a pool hall for a few hours, to the movies, and watched Derek and Chest’s run. They ran The Tour de Pain - essentially a 3-part footrace in Jacksonville. I regret not doing it, I definitely could have. I thought it’d be all sprinters, but a lot of people were in my shape or worse. If I am back next year, I will definitely join him so that I, too, can get a free Hooter’s dinner. haha. Then our friend Jen took us out on her boat on Sunday. It was really cool - I definitely want a boat someday. I got a little burnt; but it was cool to kick back, relax, have a few drinks. We went to Fort Matanzas which is a little fort the Spanish built to protect a tiny channel. They had pre-zoned guns (think the carnage you saw at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan) to keep invaders from coming up this little channel. The cool thing is, you can park your boat and hop out in the water - but because the water from the intercoastal is rushing out into the ocean, it has a really strong tide. You have to hold onto a rope attached to the boat OR swim your ass off in order to hang on. It was a lot of fun though. I hope to go back and spend more time there. We also parked at this restaurant called The Conch House. I think I was in Heaven there because they have this thing called ‘Reggae Sundays.’ On ‘Reggae Sundays,’ they throw up all these tents on the pier and play reggae music while people come and drink, smoke, chill. It’s really cool cos you can just park your boat there to get there - it’s a very boating type community mixed with rasta mixed with hippy mixed with Florida. It’s a good mix! It looked very cool especially because they had all these tables and stuff setup that were like made of palms. When I am 21, I will definitely go back because it seemed like something I’d really enjoy. Jen also took us to a private club - I don’t remember the name of it now; but it had 2 pools - one for adults one for children - with a waterfall separating them to block out the sounds of swearing for kids and kids’ noise for adults. It was a really nice place - I don’t know if I could ever belong because I’d rather donate all the money that it takes to be a member; but it was definitely something I desire.

Throughout the week, we went out to lunch with the full time TLPers (people in my program) a few times - they’re cool guys. I have a lot of fun with them. I was working VERY closely (sometimes too closely haha) with one of them this week who I transitioned my project to. I basically had to teach him EVERYTHING I knew. Then last night they all came over, and let’s just describe the night as ‘weird’ like most everyone agreed. It was fun though. At least for me, haha.

My managers are the nicest people ever. They made me feel really great this week and want to come back. They not only took me out to dinner but also to a baseball game, 2 or 3 bars where we chatted the waitresses into thinking I was their 86-year old grandfather, and had an end of the year surprise party for me. I scheduled a meeting with my manager to discuss my internship experience; but instead, my entire management team showed up and gave me some really sweet gifts and a cake. It was so nice of them, and they definitely made me feel good. It makes me want to come back and spend time with them again. They’re really good people - they’re hard workers but also have big hearts and a lot of fun. I hope I can be like them someday. One of the things I included in my end of year presentation (which went VERY well) was a theme… …I wanted to include a personal touch about why I came down to JAX - the beach - and show some of the culture and people of Florida. So I made all the backgrounds photography that I took down here (I posted those pictures in a blog a month or 2 ago). My managers surprised me by giving me a book of photography of Florida - I don’t think they realize how much I appreciate it. It was the perfect gift. I’m going to miss Florida A LOT - I really like the climate and the weather here. It’s a beautiful place. It’s colorful like you imagine it, but it’s also very natural - it’s wet and there’s all kinds of wildlife. I like the people. Jacksonville has a hickish side, but I actually kind of like that too because it reminds me of the woods, hunting, outdoors. I’m not going to listen to country music or anything but will listen to CCR, Neil Young, Simon and Garfunkel, and other groups with elements of FOLK.

None of the other managers did so much for their intern. I really appreciated it, I hope I can do the same or more for someone in my shoes (or sandals, haha) someday.

Here are some pics from the past 2 weeks.  I will add others if Kevin uploads any:

Yes I have a stupid face in the last one.

And that’s about it… …next 2 weeks will be packing, hanging out, getting ready for school. Get ready for football season… Last year I had to comfort Morelli’s girlfriend during the OSU game. This year…Big Ten Champions. WE ARE.

Summer Winding Down MORE…

July 31st, 2007 | 1 Comments | Uncategorized

A [this used to say ‘quick’ but I ended up writing something huge] note to any of you who leave comments: I apologize that your comments don’t go straight up, but I have to approve them before they’re posted; I generally don’t check a previous blog’s comments until I’m writing the new one because I get a dozen spam comments a day. There are some measures I could take against it, but I find it easier just to ignore them until I’m writing a new one, then just to quickly skim through for any real comments. But I do appreciate your reading (all 3 of you…) and your thoughts. Keep sharing them. Thanks Isaac. I definitely know what you mean. The only catch is that I can’t say everything I’d like to say on here ;). My poetry blog is a bit more obscure so… …I don’t really abide by any rules for that.

The summer is starting to wind down, and I’m experiencing a mix of emotions. Part of me is really excited to get back to my family (but then there’s the fighting and the stress), part of me is really anxious to see my friends (but then there’s, ironically, the loneliness, the boredom, the irritance of getting in trouble), part of me is excited to get back to school and the academic environment (but then there’s the homework, the long walks, the tests, the lack of paychecks, the annoying responsibilities of groups I belong to), part of me is excited for football (but then there’s the… …oh, wait, nevermind). I’m afraid of falling out of the routine I have down here. I’m in good shape, I feel successful and contributory at work, I’m taking care of myself, I’m less depressed than I have been in a long (think years…) time, and a part of me really likes being just… left alone. I’m still always lonely but it isn’t as bad without being in the college environment where all my sensitivities and nerves get to me, and every single thing I see upsets me. The good news is that I think I’ve cleaned up my act a little bit - I’ll party and everything at school, but I used to do it a lot to clear my mind and remove myself from life. I’m doing better than I was last year (last year was a bad year for me), and it’ll show through even things like that. A big part of me is going to miss the beach - the sand and the salt water, the smells and the sounds - that’s the one place that I’m ever really comfortable. I know a lot of people like the beach, but people like it for many different reasons. I just like to be alone or with a small group on the beach, feeling isolated and free - usually on a stormy day or at night. Ahhh well, all things must come to an end. I usually feel this way before any change. If I can keep working out, keep my spirits okay [notice how I use a lot of cliches but modify them to fit my case], meet some girls, not go broke, have a great football team, get good grades, and enjoy life, I should be okay.

I AM looking forward to a number of things. I miss being around my family and a part of their life. I’m sure 5 minutes after I get in the door, I won’t miss knowing what’s going on just in their everyday lives, but for now, I miss it haha. It doesn’t seem like I’m away that much though because my mom makes it a point to talk to me almost every day and tell me every explicit detail of everyone’s life. I am also looking forward to the schoolyear - there are a lot more friends, and I’m going to be able to do a lot more things! I’m promising that I will sit around playing videogames ONLY on Sundays, and not every Sunday! God, I forgot what Sundays are like in college. Ya’ don’t even leave the fucking room all day. lol. I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of people. At home, I miss Krista, Isaac, Hauser, Alex, Colin, Kyle, Aaron, Pat, all of them… At school, I miss a lot of people too - some of those people surprising. It’s going to be a lot of fun partying with the Alexs’ and their clan, Maxwell and his clan, Kara and her clan, THON and that clan, Dave Horne and his clan, Chest and his clan (ALL LADIES), the Erie crowd and their clan, my neighbors and their clan all year. So many people to see! I might as well just have a “Clan Party” [Gosh, that sounds bad - I spelled it with a ‘C’ thought, but I’ll invite Alex just in case!] to unite all of these groups.

In other news, after 3 months of being in Florida, I’ve developed an extremely mild tan. Please keep in mind that I am still EXTREMELY white (except in my heart…) but it’s a tad darker than it ever was.

In other news, it looks like Gamma Tau Phi is definitely going to start being active this year. I already received a response (same day) from two professors who are interested in participating in our ’speaker-research series.’ I think it’s a great move because there are surprisingly no outlets that I know of where students can find out about faculty research and become involved. This will be a nice resource.

I don’t know if I ever posted this, but I worked out an agreement before OSCommerceCafe.com (they create eStore templates) and THON so that we get a free template, which counts as an annual donation. It’s going to make redesigning the THON Store way easier on us.

So I discussed how I wrote to my representatives about House Resolution 333 [to impeach Cheney] in my last post. I received a number of replies. When I called John Conley’s office (head of House Judiciary Committee - has to order hearings), they took down my name and some information and had questions for me. Nancy Pelosi also replied, as well as Bob Casey. The Republican congressmen did not (big surprise?). It’s nice to be able to contact your representatives even if it takes them a few weeks to get back to you - and at least each reply is personalized (not sure if they actually wrote it, but it seems like they did).

Something else that I am going to miss down here is hanging out with Jon. I haven’t talked about Jon much because he doesn’t live with me, but he’s one of the other interns. Jon can have his irritating quirks at times, but we all do. But what’s great about Jon is he’s always willing to ‘just chill’ with me. One of the things I hate up north is how nobody is ever like that. Nobody wants to just sit around, have a drink or a smoke, and just talk about life or politics. Well, people do - MORE people do at home - I used to have people over to my basement all the time just to do that… …but at least at Penn State, it’s always party party party. I really like just sitting around and talking and chilling. Not looking stuff up on the computer, not getting rowdy and laughing about everything, but just chilling. I mean some of that is involved, but… I don’t know how to describe it. You’re either a chill person or you’re not. I think I really am, haha. I think most people aren’t :(. If anybody is interested in trying to be a chill person at school with me, let me know!

Speaking of hanging out, the other full timers have been a lot of fun. They’ve come over here a number of times to pregame their clubbing and sometimes stay over. I can’t go out with them because they won’t even let me in the bars without carding me. It’s annoying because I really would willingly not drink, if they’d just let me in. Bah! But they’ve been lots of fun. I’m going to go ahead and post a photo or 2 of Mike Let’s just say, I got a phonecall saying that he was completely destroyed, lying in the back of some random girls pickup truck, we had to carry him up 3 flights of stairs so that he could puke all over our kitchen floor all night. So much for “let’s just say,” eh Mike?

Other than that, we played the Thunderstruck drinking game, had a nice day at the beach with them, went to a few happy hours, and it was just chill. If I am invited back and decide to come to Jacksonville next year, I’m really looking forward to hanging out with them.

I had a massive health breakdown lately. I had been doing great… eating primarily toast + peanut butter for dinner with water and running/lifting everyday. Then all of a sudden, I had these huge fatty cravings. I started drinking soda gradually… …then one weekend, I decided to devour three cans of cheese sauce! What a disaster! On top of that, I couldn’t work out cos I felt sick. Weeks of work all gone to waste! Luckily, I’m back on the diet and workout schedule though

I’m going to take a few minutes to talk about my work experience with Citigroup because I learned a lot. I can’t go into details of my actual project because it’s confidential information, but I will share an overview. I am a project manager for the proof of concept phase of a major IT release. I’m leading a team of about 40 people - writing agendas, leading meetings, taking notes, tracking issues, following problems, etc. I’ve learned so much the past few months - A LOT of the things they can’t teach you in school. I’ve learned about professional etiquette, how to carry myself; and I’m now much more comfortable working in an office setting than I ever thought I would be. It was always something I was uncomfortable with… even when I started here, I was always worried about an inappropriate slip. I’m a lot more comfortable with that now. I also learned a TON about project management and how to manage people. It’s actually a lot like managing school projects except at a much higher detail. But interacting with people is the same. As it turns out, older people are just like people my age! Who woulda’ thought! A lot of the people I worked with were still pretty young and very fun t talk to. I really enjoyed what I did this summer for the most part, but I got really frustrated 2-3 times that things weren’t working out the way I had planned and I think it showed through on the calls. That’s something that bothers me because I feel that as a leader, I should never let my team see me frustrated. I’m supposed to be the adaptable one. But I think that will get better with time. The other problem with project management is how obsessive I get with it - I have a lot of trouble getting work off my mind when I’m not there because I’m so worried about critical path. I need to make sure everyone has everything they need because if I miss one tiny thing it could totally set the project back. So I’m constantly thinking about it, I’ve even done some work from home just to make sure I had a hold of things.

I learned a lot about the Citi culture - it’s really open and diverse. No one is going to rag you on the kind of shoes you wear, what you hang up in your cube, how you talk. It’s based on your performance. And everything is very team-oriented. Roles overlap. People work together and cover one another. I like that a lot. I still have a good amount of work to do, it’s actually going to be a very busy and annoying week. BLAH! But hopefully it all turns out well. I’m currently amidst the middle of receiving feedback from team members that I worked with. I setup a web form where they can submit feedback, and I’ve got nothing but great response so far. I might post one or two of the quotes on here, but I’ll wait til later to decide that. Next Tuesday, I have to present to an invite list of 150 people. I’m really nervous - I’m not very confident in my powerpoint or my presentation skills.

So hopefully there is some cool stuff happening this last week and a half. I’m sure we’ll go out to eat a few times, try some new stuff, and it’s a LOT of packing. I’m mailing home several boxes the next 2 weeks, doing a lot of packing, repairing the apartment and other stuff like that; but there better be fun!

Once I get home, I have a ton to do before school too. Blah. I have to buy school stuff, pack, reformat my entire freaking computer, put together this bench press I bought, plan out how we’re gonna get stuff to school (might have to wait awhile to bring up TV and stuff), order my books, all kindsa’ administrative crap like that. Again, hopefully there’s fun stuff with my friends mixed in! I know that I’ll hang out with a lot of them, but I want to have a sleepover with Kyle and them like old times too. Those were like… …most fun ever. Maybe Aaron or somebody will have something like that. And I’m excited to go see America with my family. I’m not a huge fan, but I can probably talk myself into enjoying it, haha.

Sad fact of the day - I found out this summer that the first time Pearl Jam ever played “Sad” in concert, which is one of their VERY rarely played b-sides because it’s too personal for Eddie, was when I saw them live in Reading.  It’s a song that gets me upset about Kenda.  Ironically, I was carrying her on my shoulders for most of that concert - probably the first time they ever played it live.

Until next time…

Summer Winding Down…

July 15th, 2007 | 1 Comments | Uncategorized

Hello all!

To start off, I’m having trouble deciding what music to put up on here. I know that, overall, it’s annoying that there is any at all; but tough, deal with it. The musicians under strong consideration are Neil Young (what’s been playing), Pearl Jam (perhaps covering a Neil Young song to get 2x done!), Rusted Root (perhaps covering a Neil Young song to get 2x done!), Silverchair (*orgasms at Neon Ballroom*), Led Zeppelin (*orgasms in general*), Simon and Garfunkel (*orgasms everywhere again except for $200 per ticket*) Rob Zombie (*chained to the wall and orgasms*), and then Two Gallants (the band I saw opening up for Les Claypool). I don’t think I’ll decide ’til after I’m done blogging… …but if you haven’t heard any of those bands, let me know, and I’ll hook you up.

So everyone from PSU is up at Arts Fest - all my buddies are busy being drunk and naked there, so there isn’t really anyone to talk to online. I’ve never been to Arts Fest… …I kind of doubt I will ever go. It just doesn’t fit into my schedule. But anyway, it’s crappy weather down here, and the surf is bad; so I figured it’s a good time to sit down and blog.

Real quick, speaking of surf, there’s a cool webcam down here so you can always check out the waves before going to the beach. You can find it here.

Not really much has happened since my last blog. I went to see the new Die Hard movie, which was surprisingly good. I expected it to be a bit of a letdown sequel, but it was actually pretty (NOTE: deleted “good” and replaced with “Yippee Kay Yay!”) Yippee Kay Yay.

July 4th was an alright time. We had some people from work over and had a few drinks/barbecued. We mostly just sat around chit-chatting, nothing too crazy; but it was a nice day off. We spiked a watermelon with vodka, but it wasn’t very good. It seemed like the vodka just seeped into the air pockets so you’d be eating plain watermelon, then get a big mouthful of vodka, all of a sudden, and proceed to vomit everywhere. We went down to the beach for fireworks which was kinda’ cool, but the fireworks were only mediocre. Then it took us an hour to drive 3 miles back to our apartment because of all the traffic, lol.

On Saturday, I sat around (1) drinking a bottle of wine, (2) watching Live Earth, (3) coding. Hahaha… …it was like the strangest day I’ve had in awhile. I drank most of a bottle of wine and watched Live Earth almost in its entirety. I missed some when I went to the gym, but I think I saw everybody I really wanted to see (John Butler Trio, Smashing Pumpkins, Roger Waters headline that list). Meanwhile, I wrote a web application for work. Right now, only my manager gives me feedback/evaluates my performance, but she hasn’t been there for a lot of what I’ve done so she really only goes from what I tell her. That kind of bothers me because I want firsthand feedback from everyone I work with not only for my boss’s to better evaluate my performance but also for personal growth. So I went ahead and wrote a web form where people fill out comments about me (they can remain anonymous if they want) and then it emails me, my manager, my boss, and stores everything in a database. It also let me work more with PHP which I’ve wanted to do since I don’t have much experience. I’d post it on here, but you’d all enter inappropriate stuff; and I don’t want that randomly showing up.

The rest of the week was just me and Kevin hanging out. It was pretty relaxing/chill. Although I started working out like crazy! One day, I worked out 3 times. I went to the gym in the morning to lift, ran to the beach in the afternoon, then went back to the gym at night because my muscles felt so good. I’m not back in the shape I was in 10th grade, but I’m starting to get there. Only problem is… …like, today, I have shin splints. I think I’m going to work out later regardless because my appearance is more important than my personal comfort (that makes me sound like a pompous asshole, there’s more to it, I assure you lol) but it won’t be very fun. My knee also hurts like hell.

Derek took Kevin and I to play tennis yesterday. It was, surprisingly, a lot of fun. I think I want to pick up a cheap racket and start playing at school. There are courts right near me, and I’d really like to play. So anyone who wants to play tennis, let me know!!!

On a dorky note, the new NCAA Football 08 comes out on Tuesday. I’m probably going to pick it up because I’m in love with the game. I’m really excited about the football season ahead. I think we’re going to surprise a lot of people and make a run at the National Championship, or at least a BCS bid. I know we’re better than OSU who is way down this year, ND lost their entire team, Illinois is frightening but still a choking program, Wisconsin can’t move the ball against our defense. It really comes down to Michigan. We haven’t beaten them for years; and I don’t really expect to, but I think we’ll still have a great year.

We started hanging out with some of the full time TLPs this week - actually, they just moved down here and started. TLP is the Technology Leadership Program, it’s the program that I’m in at Citi. It has 2 branches - the internship program and the full time program. So a new batch of full timers just started, and we’ve been hanging out. We went out to happy hour on Monday, then they crashed here Friday night, and went to a hookah restaurant last night. It was a pretty good time, they’re my caliber of people - pretty cool and hard working but also seem like they enjoy having a good time. On Friday, they went out to some bars which I can’t really do so Jon and I just chilled and talked philosophy and stuff by the pool for a few hours. Ron, this fitness trainer, was pretty drunk and came by and had some … let’s just say “interesting things to say.” As a result of sitting by the pool that long and then sitting out by the pond on the phone until 4am, I am now covered in bug bites!!

Work has been frustrating as of late. Sometimes, I have really good days and come home feeling great; but every few days, I come home feeling terrible. It really just depends on how phone calls go, how people are reacting to me, how well my project is going. My project is really in the nitty gritty planning stages, and I’m never sure exactly what to do; so I just go with my gut and ask around but I usually find out that one group suggests I do something one way while another wants me to do it someway else. Like I designed a scoring matrix this past week - which is something I’d never even seen before. But things are definitely rolling along… …I mean, there’s progress. But sometimes I just get a little frustrated. I think everything is good to go; and all of a sudden, somebody throws a bone into the mix and things are all fucked up and I have to spend the week getting back to where we were. The thing is… …when I look at emails from where we were just 2 weeks ago, it seems like ages ago. So there is definitely progress, we’re moving right along, and I think that’s really cool - but my obsessive-compulsive nature really gets to me sometimes. I walk away from work and can’t stop thinking about something until I get back to work to fix it. Still, overall, I really like what I am doing though. It’s mostly just learning the processes and what I’m doing that’s getting to me. Hopefully, they think I’m doing a good job too. I should have my mid-summer appraisal back to me soon, so I guess we’ll find out.

I’m kind of excited about this upcoming year. I’m officially living with Matt, my buddy Evan Rowland and his roommate Andrew. It’s a much better living situation than last year. Our new address is 1501, but it’s still a townhouse. I know some people who live around us, this year, too…Julie, Kyle Nase’s friend, Kristen - so that’ll be really nice. We can even decorate the whole house this year instead of just the upstairs. I think it will be a better situation all around. Plus, moving to school last year was a very bad time for me because everything had just gone down with Kenda (and by that, I learned what a self-centered, manipulative, greedy, lying, sadistic and vengeful person she is - IN MY OPINION) and I was a wreck. I didn’t have a huge desire to meet people. This year, I’ll have a lot more friends, THON, Gamma Tau Phi, working out hardcore, guitar, cooking, TENNIS haha, read aloud night (if you want to participate, let me know! I want to get a group together to read aloud like once a week), hiking, etc.

I’ve also been getting really political lately. I’m getting really fed up with the state of our country. It isn’t the “normal America” that is kind of just annoying, it’s much worse than that. Like politicans can always manipulate the American people… but not to this extent. Usually the media still has a voice - but this is the first time I’ve seen like 80% disapproval ratings, an opposing media, etc. and the administration still does whatever it wants. I’m really caught up on House Resolution 333 which is a move in congress to impeach Cheney - I try to get people to sign on to get that douchebag out of office. He outwardly commits purgery, instigates problems with the media and at congress, completely lies about Iraq, completely lies about Al Qaeda, completely lies about Scooter Libby, completely pisses off every country we deal with, shoots people (literally!).  It’s ridiculous when a politician can do something, and we can’t do a single thing in response.  I want him out just to give a voice back to the American people.  There needs to be a movement.  I always felt there were people who were liberal and rebellious just for the sake of being so - or - or people who were biased.  Cindy Sheehan fits in both categories.  But it’s getting to the point that I’m glad those people are around.  It’s getting to the point that we need people like that to cross the lines and be overly-aggressive just so the basic changes get made.

Anyway, I wrote to 2 congressman (my congressman, state college’s congressman) and Nancy Pelosi to let them know I support House Res 333.  If you’re interested in signing a petition, there are a lot of them out there.  There’s one here.

I even ordered this 13-star American flag made by Batik waxing.  I’m gonna write “Support the American Revolution” on it or something to remind me what America is about - to make me remember Common Sense and Rousseau the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution - not just CNN and Fox News and debates.  I want it to remind me what this whole fuckin’ revolution is about.

Also, while I’m on the topic… …if you’re interested, here are some clips of Hillary in Iowa… …1 and 2.  The things she supports are the things I want next in America.  Nationalized healthcare, tollgate process out of Iraq, nationalized preschool, restoring pre-war international relations, etc.

On an unrelated note, I got the new Smashing Pumpkins CD, Zeitgeist.  It’s okay.  It’s not quite upto the level of their old stuff, but it’s a good rock album.  The new Pearl Jam live CD is absolutely amazing - it’s some of the best live stuff I’ve ever heard.

July 3rd, 2007 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

Snoogles

July 1st, 2007 | 0 Comments | Uncategorized

So I thought I’d throw up a little update.  It’s a very calm/chill weekend, so I have time to write.

I had a great time with my family when they came to visit.  It seemed like they were only here for a short amount of time, though.  It literally came and went. On Friday night, I took them and my roommates out to dinner at Ragtime. Talk about a hole in my paycheck!  I had to ask the waitress to bring me the check ahead of time so that we wouldn’t have to fight about who paid in front of her.  Then, we played Cranium before heading to bed.

On Saturday, we went to St Augustine.  It’s a nice town - old buildings and lotsa’ culture.  The beach there is beautiful.  The ocean is extremely salty.  There was a longboarding contest going on, though; and they kept kicking us out of the water.  We also went to an alligator farm that was a lot of fun.  They had all kinds of alligators, crocodiles, turtles, and birds.  Here are some pictures from the visit:

The past week at work was pretty fun.  My main assignment is finally getting underway, and I’m playing a pretty important role organizing everything.  I really enjoy it.  I’m getting much more comfortable on conference calls and dealing with the remoteness of working at Citi.  It’s not a big deal anymore. After you’ve worked with people on the phone a couple of times, you start to learn their personalities and you can joke around and read their tones as well as you could read their visuals in person.  Monday wasn’t the best day, but the rest of the week was pretty good.  I am looking forward to going back tomorrow.  This week should be a little dead because half the employees will be out on vacation for the 4th.

I posted some pretty demonic poetric today.  I don’t know why.  I just got in the mood to get my feelings out, and they came out pretty… …satanic, I guess.  http://www.edyakabosky.com/poetry

So… …all the iLosers are having a big fling over the iPhone.  People were camping outside the stores.  Kevin (one of my roommates_ got one, but he just went in a half hour after the store opened to get it rather than camping out.  I haven’t really followed the device or had much interest in it; so before I say anything, I don’t really know much about the iPhone.  What I do know is that my phone does everything I would like it to.  It makes and receives calls and texts, stores numbers, and plays some fun ringtones.  Case-closed that’s what I want a phone to do and ALL I want a phone to do.  If I want to listen to music, I want to have a music player.  If I want to take a picture, I want to have a camera.  I’m sure a lot of people are different, though.  I’m also sure there are some cool things about the iPhone; but I won’t look at a device like that until it comes down in price.  It just bugs me that people will replace a phone that works perfectly well with a $500 replacement, rather than giving that $500 to someone who needs it.  I mean do they not realize they could feed an entire family for a year for that kind of money? …speaking of stuff like that, I’m going to look at my money at the end of summer.  I’d like to invest some and match that investment with a donation.  I might just give it to a homeless person - or a family I know is struggling - a straightforward donation.  Or I might have to decide on an organization to give it to.  In terms of investing… …I’ve never done that before and have a lot to learn/decide before I do it.  I’ll probably just open something up with the folks who handle it for my parents.  They’re good people, whose father I knew.

As for the iPhone, to each his own; but it doesn’t really do much for me.  It’s just another expensive device packed with unnecessary features.  I like my devices separate.  If I ever buy a gun and it starts playing music or ringing or connecting me to the internet or anything like that, I promise you I will turn the gun on myself and pull the trigger.  lol.

Ratatoullie was a marvelous film.  I suggest you all go watch it.

So I sent a rather harsh letter to my THON Committee yesterday.  Told them to quit masturbating and start doing some work.  Told them they’re spoiled rich kids.  Not those words of course… …not those at all… …I was just trying to motivate them, so we’ll see how it works.

I guess that’s it.  Just a small update, so I don’t have to do something massive later.

PS:  I’m lonely.  I really wish I had someone in my life… …the way that I used to.  That I felt closer to or happier with my friends.  I don’t know… …just wish I had a better social life.  But I’m okay by myself

Peace.

Be On My Side,
I’ll Be On Your Side…
You take my hand,
I’ll take your hand.
Together, we might get away…